Article published in Business Success

How to deal with difficult people

By Christina Osborne, Chief Executive of Business Solutions

Why are people difficult?
Difficult or Different?
Difficult People in Teams
Watching out for difficult people
Building Co-operation
When Difficult becomes Impossible
Ongoing Leadership

In this article, Christina Osborne, author of Dealing with Difficult People, looks at why people become difficult in the workplace and how to build co-operation. In an article in the next issue she gives advice on different ways of dealing with conflict.

We all know someone who is difficult to work with. If difficult people are stopping you from achieving your goals, what can you do about it? Identifying and anticipating who is going to be difficult will put you one step ahead. Using your communication skills and preparing your team to work well together will prevent people within your organisation from becoming difficult.

Difficult people take up a disproportionate amount of your time and drain you of energy. If you can spot who may become difficult and when, you will have a better chance of dealing with them successfully.

Observing the behaviour of your team in the workplace and your personal knowledge of each individual, will enable you to notice changes. Being good at observation will give you advance warning of pressure points and an opportunity to prepare to offer appropriate support or development in advance. When you know your employees well, you can spot someone who is finding it difficult to balance work and home life or who seems unclear about what is expected. By observing recurrent and possibly stressful patterns in the workplace, you can be ready to step in before the person becomes difficult.

Why are people difficult?

If people who work for you are being difficult, your first question as their manager ought to be – am I the cause? Employees may be worried about their jobs – rumours about redundancies or major change at work can undermine confidence and spread insecurity. You need to manage such rumours by being clear about the direction of the company and communicating the benefits of change.

Members of your team can become demotivated if they are expected to work continuously long, unpredictable or unsociable hours or are under constant pressure. Having too little to do is just as much a cause of dissatisfaction as having too much work. Unclear objectives or a lack of variety in their job can affect your team's motivation too. Most commonly, employees are demotivated if they feel their contribution is under-valued or goes unnoticed.

As their manager, you can look at how the team's workload is organised and ensure that objectives are set and reviewed regularly with each member of the team. Your management style sets the culture and level of motivation for the team. By praising achievements and developing a supportive environment, you can prevent people from becoming difficult and demotivated.

Checklist for a Motivating Manager:

Greet everyone you work with each day
Go walkabouts – asking questions, listening and showing interest in individuals
Be clear about why you are communicating as well as what
Ask questions to ensure your communication has been understood
Praise people for achievements you want them to repeat
Share information and learning with the team
Give individuals control of their job to achieve agreed goals and timescales
Coach people to develop their skills and performance
Celebrate achievements to make people feel part of a winning team.

Difficult or Different?

If people have very different values, experiences and expectations from life, they can find each other difficult to deal with. These difficulties increase as one person tries to change the other person or judges someone as not up to standard because they are so different.

Individuals also learn in different ways. If you find it difficult to pass on instructions or gain a reaction from a member of your team – perhaps your employee is someone who learns by doing a job rather than being told. Action-orientated people will enjoy being challenged by taking on a variety of projects whereas a reflective person needs time to analyse and think before taking action. Practical people enjoy learning by trial and error while others prefer to plan beforehand.

An action-orientated manager may become impatient with a reflective employee who is slower than the manager would be to start a project. A reflective manager may view an employee who takes action quickly as a risk-taker who does not think consequences through thoroughly. Reviewing progress together will give a more balanced picture and it may be that either approach, although different in the initial stages, would achieve the objectives agreed.

Difficult People in Teams

We may regard someone who has such a different perspective from our own as being a difficult team member. Thinking about the differences between you and viewing them positively can change the dynamics of the situation.

The most successful teams have members with all the different approaches needed to achieve a successful project. One of your team may be good at starting projects off and driving them forwards, another may have lots of ideas, another may enjoy bringing resources and contacts into the team and one person may be excellent at organising or making sure the team follows through.

People with different skills and perspectives form a complementary team that is stronger than a team with only similar views. As a manager, you have the opportunity to allocate roles and set clear objectives with your team to utilise everyone’s varied talents. By understanding yourself and your team members, you can help your team to understand and value the differences between them rather than viewing each other as difficult.

Watching out for difficult people

People react very differently to pressure. For example, owner-managers and entrepreneurs often thrive at a level of stress that their staff would find exhausting.

If an employee suddenly becomes more difficult, angry or irritable than usual, this could be a sign of emotional stress. Individuals can become difficult when they have lost the ability to feel or care through too much stress. The physical symptoms they suffer can be very real to them – such as chest pains or an upset stomach. Others may react by being difficult rather than admit that they feel unwell, tired all the time or under pressure.

Observe the members of your team and watch for the early warning signs of stress such as lack of concentration, fatigue, a quicker temper than usual or a decline in personal appearance. Observe yourself for the same signs -–are you becoming difficult to deal with? How well are you balancing the demands of work, your development as an individual and your time outside work? Ask for feedback from colleagues or friends you trust and take time out to plan personal development and relaxation into your life.

Building Co-operation

A positive approach may be all you need to win co-operation from a difficult person. Sometimes you may need to allow time for more preparation. Knowing you have prepared for a difficult meeting will help you to feel more confident about the outcome. Having a positive outcome in mind that will benefit both parties is the first step towards solving the problem. Prepare by working through this checklist:

Beforehand

Have a clear aim and proposals in mind that will benefit you both
Look at the situation from the difficult person’s perspective
Brainstorm possible objections to your proposals
Think of advantages for you both from your proposals

During

Agree the overall objective of the meeting and what you need to discuss
Ask open questions (beginning with What? When? Who? Which? How?) to explore solutions
Listen and maintain eye contact
Hold back from responding to objections, with benefits, one at a time
To surface all the objections, ask: If we can get round that, is there anything else that could stand in the way of achieving………(project/objectives)?
Exhaust all objections and then explain all the benefits
Ask the ‘difficult person’ to summarise the actions agreed and take notes
Agree measurable objectives and timescales for completion.

Afterwards

Ask for a copy of the agreed action plan
Arrange any support or resources you have offered
Follow-up and review when agreed.

When Difficult becomes Impossible

Give constructive feedback to help people to see themselves as others see them. Without feedback, a team member may continue to perform ineffectively. Recognise that a difficult person who expects negative criticism may become withdrawn or defensive. Give feedback regularly until it becomes accepted usual practice. Focus your feedback on behaviour that the individual can change and results rather than their personality.

If the difficult person continues to show no enthusiasm for the job or seems to be sabotaging his or her own performance, then you need to review the employee’s role and objectives. Discuss all possible courses of action that can be taken, using the checklist above. Offer support and allow a realistic timescale for improvement. If the problem is lack of ability, see if there is a more suitable position in the organisation. If persistent difficult behaviour or poor performance is the problem, then you need to use your organisation’s disciplinary procedure and ultimately be prepared to dismiss if all your attempts to help the difficult person to perform well have failed.

Ongoing Leadership

A leader needs to delegate well or risk overload that can affect the team, who may react by becoming difficult. Brief team members on the outcomes and standards required, give them the authority needed and agree when you will review progress.

To prevent people from becoming difficult, check that you have defined roles and objectives clearly and planned resources according to the priorities it is important to achieve. Learn from any recurring problems and bring a potentially difficult person into the planning process for change as early as possible.

Learn to adapt your leadership style to win co-operation from difficult individuals because the style you find most comfortable will not work in every situation. Be clear about what needs to be achieved and why and then let the individual work out how to reach the goal. Give people constructive feedback and encouragement to go on achieving objectives and use the checklists. You will then have time to congratulate yourself on how well you prepare for and handle difficult people!

Christina Osborne is author of Dealing with Difficult People published by Dorling Kindersley ISBN 0-7894-8412-9. You can buy the book through Business Solutions’ website, or email christinaosborne@bsol.co.uk